I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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