I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i love accidental penises.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
