How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
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If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol