im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.