dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
