i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?