my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize