***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
