Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
