Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
