i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
