Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
