Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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