i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
