let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
