I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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