I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
