Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
God, I missed his penis.
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