Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
