go do what you do best...puke behind churches
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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