White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
