Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
