There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
