Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
