When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
handjob tips. give me some.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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