I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
