dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
