Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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