the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
