So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
