Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
