is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
