Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
