Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
