every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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