You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
