Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
