Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
