I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
