bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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