I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
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I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
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I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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