I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
