Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
