the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
