Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
