The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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