Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
