you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
