i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
