no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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