I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
