you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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