You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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