I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
