if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
