Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
