Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
