I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
