real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
