UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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