It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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