My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
