i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
