I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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