new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
