God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
soo... how was my night?
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