if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my sisters under your porch take her home
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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