Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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