I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
