WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
