Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
