My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
