I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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