i don't like sucking hair
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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