I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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