So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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