I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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