Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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