It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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