We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I checked into jail on foursquare
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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