woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
