1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
