Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
