Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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